Monday, March 23, 2009


The last breakout session I attended was TRADING PLACES: WHAT EVERY MINISTER WISHES HIS WIFE KNEW ABOUT HIM. This was probably my least favorite session. Not because the information wasn't good but because we have a really good marriage and talk very openly with each other. i found that NOT to be the case with many of the other women sitting in that room. I still took lots of notes because I know they will help someone else. And, don't get me wrong. I did take things away from this conference for us but not as much as the other two I attended. Also, be aware that while this was for wives of ministers, so much of truth in this session applies to all marriages.

50% of all ministry marriages result in divorce. (WHOA!!!) 1500 pastors leave the ministry each month because of moral failure or burnout. Stop now and ask yourself, IS MY MARRIAGE PLEASING TO GOD?

Love is...(Ephesians 5:22)
  • Physical Intimacy
  • Romance
Many women find those three issues hard to swallow because they don't respect the person their husband is. If you can't respect the person, respect the position. God intentionally placed men as the head of the household. If your husband has done something to cause you to lose respect for him, respect the position he holds and ask God to help you learn to respect him as an individual.

Laugh with him: Not at him!
The day of a minister is filled with other people's problems. He needs laughter at home. (Proverbs 17:22)
  • Laughter is a gift
  • Laughter brings emotional intimacy
  • Take the things of God seriously but don't take yourself so seriously
Be Loyal To Him (1 Corinthians 13:7)
  • Become soulmates
  • Unconditionally love him. You are his COMPLETE-ter not his COMPETE-ter.
  • Do not take up an offense for him- God created him to be a warrior
  • Pray for him

Learn With Him. (Proverbs 24:3-4)
  • Spiritual intimacy- a shared spiritual journey
  • By wisdom, a house is built- Wisdom is the ability to see things from God's perspective.
  • By understanding, it is established- Understanding is the ability to respond to any given situation with insight from God's word rather than offering a surface reaction.
  • By knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches- Knowledge is replacing ignorance and unbelief with the truth of God so that genuine needs are discerned based on reality rather than human reasoning.
Learn about Him
  • Men and women are different: Celebrate those differences
When the spirit of a man is wounded, the spirit of a marriage is wounded. The following things will wound him.
  • resist his will outwardly
  • be financially independent
  • have a greater loyalty to outside leadership
  • resist his decisions in your spirit
  • retain resentment for past failures
  • fail to build loyalty in your children
  • lack of gratefulness
  • lack of confidence
  • acting as if you know his needs rather than asking him what they are

After this breakout session, I attended a panel discussion only for wives of Senior Pastors. Oh my goodness! That was interesting. Some of the stories I heard in there just blew my mind. Dan has only been in his position for a few years now and I thought I had seen and heard most everything. Nope, not even close.

The major discussion in that room focused on the attitudes and actions of other staff members. Wow! All I can say is we are so grateful for Dusty Carson. We have been there and experienced some of the things talked about in that room. We have said for many years that some of the laziest people in the world work on church staffs. Our thoughts were validated during that discussion. I won't go into all the conversation because it was very personal, but I know of at least six wives of ministers who are reading this that I will share the following information because it was so enlightening to me.

1. Have a positive attitude.
2. You will never know the weight your senior pastor carries on his shoulders. EVERYTHING comes across his desk. Your failures, your successes, the times you are late and unprepared, your bad attitude, your excitement about your job, the way you inspire people, the way you always make excuses...EVERYTHING!
3. If you constantly want to be the center of attention and can't understand why things aren't going your way, then you have serious pride issues. AND, there is no place for pride in ministry.
4. You should be the hardest working person in your church. If there is a churchwide work day, be the first to arrive and the last to leave and do more work than anyone. Don't whine about how tired you are and how hard you have worked all week. Many people there have worked 40-60 hours before showing up as a volunteer. This is your PAID job.
5. If you constantly tell people how tired you are so they will notice how hard you are working then maybe you aren't working as much as you are talking. Work hard and keep your mouth shut, people will notice if you are truly working hard.
6. Be a person of integrity.
7. Make sure your personal spiritual life gets more attention than your public spiritual life.
8. Protect your pastor and other staff.

Somehow, I missed the last 6 points. There were 15 total. I think I did write them down but I can't find that sheet?!?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

These are things we all need to remember about our husbands and our marriages. Thanks for sharing what you learned. I hope I will remember these things and be a better wife. Tam


Related Posts with Thumbnails