When we began our journey to have a child, we did not make that public matter. I remember only telling one person that we had started "to try!" As time went on and we realized there might be problems, it was a very sensitive issue to us. There was nothing more painful or hurtful during our times of unsuccess than the well-meaning comments we received from so many people. You know what I'm talking about....
- Oh, you look so natural (When holding a baby)
- When are you going to have one of your own?
- When are you going to give you mother a grandchild?
- You know, it's selfish to not want children.
- If you are waiting until you can afford it, you will never be able to afford it!
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I can attest to the fact that most (not all, but a large majority) people who earnestly want a baby but haven't had one yet do not need a reminder of that. Statistics say that 80 % of all people struggling with infertility do not tell other people until after the 2nd year of their struggle!!!!!!! That means for 2 years they ache on the inside for a baby while they endure the well meaning comments of other people.
This is such a personal, private matter...please do not ask a woman when she is planning to get pregnant or have a baby if she doesn't open up to you and say she really wants one!!! The best comparison I have ever heard is this. When someone asks you when you are going to finally have kids, ask them when they are going to lose some weight!!! HA! Obviously, no one would ever feel the need to tell someone something so personal as to lose weight, therefore why do we feel the liberty to talk to women about when and if they are going to have children. TRUST ME...many times, those women are begging GOD for that very answer!!!!
Like I said, this is not targeted at anyone who has made those comments to me but instead a hope to save feelings of very dear friends and family who are in the midst of a real struggle to be a mommy and daddy! In our small life circle, I know of 16 women who long to be pregnant but aren't. Of those 16, 9 of them have only discussed this with their spouse, doctor and us. But, each of those 9 women endure those comments on a DAILY basis from well-meaning friends and family.