I'm sitting in the living room in total darkness. Dan is out on a run. The kids are asleep. The house is quiet. And, I can't quit crying. The last eight days have taken a toll on us. Not only us, a lot of people we love and care about are in the same place we are. How do we go on with every day normal when a 4 day old baby dies? How do you not hurt when you see a mom and dad as they catch the first glimpse of a casket so tiny that you don't have words to describe it? How do you not look at your own children and imagine what pain other parents are feeling?
Henry James Gast was born on Micah's birthday. We were at Disney. We made plans to visit Heather and Mike to meet Henry the next day after they got some rest. Sadly, another call came that Henry wasn't well and had to be airlifted to Jacksonville. Dan went early on Tuesday to see mom and dad. The prognosis was hopeful. The worst case scenario involved internal bleeding. We prayed against that. Dan stayed in touch and kept us all updated. But, early on Friday morning, the worst case scenario became reality. Mike called Dan at 1:30 a.m. to say Henry had a brain bleed. Henry died shortly before 3:00 a.m. He took his last breath here on earth and took his next breath in the presence of Jesus. We ache.
Dan drove Mike and Heather to Jacksonville to hold their son for the very first time. He sat in a room with them and wept with them. He recounted the day to me through tears. It was painful, yet beautiful. She carried that child and nurtured him for 40 weeks. Then, after several hours, she kissed him one last time and left the hospital...without him.
His nursery is decorated in the cutest Pottery Barn theme. Diapers were bought. The bassinet was ready. Milk was already pumped and frozen. A carseat is empty. Everything you see is a reminder of what was to be. But, it wasn't. We're heartbroken for our friends. We ache.
Yet, we have hope.
Death is not the end.
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness but I know
That the silence has brought me to His voice
And he says...