Jonah: Mommy, can you come wipe my booty?
Me: Jonah, you have to learn to do this yourself! Mommy won't be there to wipe your booty and your Kindergarten teacher won't do it for you.
Jonah: Maybe if I ask her nice and say please, she will.
Me: No, she won't. You have to learn to do it yourself.
Jonah: Well, I'm planning to learn but not until I really know what it is like to be five years old. Right now, I'm just practicing being five. When I'm really five, I'll wipe my own booty and do all the things you want me to do. Okay?