Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Regarding the Post on Infertility

I am blown away by all of the comments/emails/texts/facebook messages I have gotten about my post on Infertility. This is truly an issue that is so deep and private that sometimes even the closest friends and family do not know a couple is dealing with it. The responses I have had proves that.

I received one email that was from a different point of view so I feel like I need to address it on here. My blog has never been meant to be anything other than a log of memories for my family. I have intentionally stayed away from political issues or things that might cause debate.

The email was from a mom who had no trouble conceiving her child and was hurt that poem suggested people who had problems were better mothers. I don't believe that is what the poem means at all. I believe it means that while you have trouble having a child, you look at everyone around you and every single person you know and think that you CAN be better. It is almost like a promise to God if he will just let you have a baby.

I remember hearing moms complain about not getting any sleep when they had a newborn or how uncomfortable they were when they were pregnant. Inside, my heart would break and I would say "I will NEVER complain about lack of sleep or being miserable because I want a baby that bad!" Wanting a baby and not having one gives you a completely different perspective of motherhood. You are grateful for things that annoy some people. Better mother? No! An aware mother? Yes!

So, this is my official apology if anyone else is/was offended by the poem. I did not write it but it did touch me. And, it has opened a line of communication between me and 20 + women who are hurting/struggling. For that, I am grateful.

P.S. I think every mother should think she is a better mother than her friends/family. I think that is a good thing. It causes you to be in a constant state of evaluation of who you are!


Anonymous said...

there is more awareness of the issues, and a lot more openness than in years ago. when I was trying to have a child, people seemed to want to find the person "at fault" for the infertility. It can be a very delicate subject to discuss.

Anonymous said...

that person never prayed/struggled/cried/begged to have a baby. some people look for a reason to be mad.

destinmimi said...

What you are doing is very courageous and not an easy thing to do. You are following God's direction and will be helping many many women and in turn, their husbands and families. You have no need to apologize about anything! I learned a long time ago that when God allows you to go through anything in your life that is difficult, He will use you to minister to others who are going through the same thing. You are letting Him use you and He will bless you for it!! Keep on keeping on!!

Penny said...

I also conceived easily and the poem didn't offend me at all! I think the author simply meant SHE would be a better mother than she would have been had she not struggled to have a child. I didn't feel like the author was comparing herself to anyone else. Anyway, it doesn't matter-- the poem was written by someone, or for someone, with fertility problems. Obviously, it wasn't meant for "fertile Myrtles" like me. I wish everyone who desperately wants a child could have one. But then we wouldn't have these miracle babies and gifts worth the wait, now would we? =)

Anonymous said...

Praise the Lord that you are able to minster, help, listen to these other women. I think a woman's biggest fear is not to be able to have a child, I know it was mine. And I am soooo thankful that I am blessed to have 2 healthly children and I could not imagine my life without them. I will be in prayer for those woman who are going through this difficult time. Diane

Katie (and Tony) said...

Dear Nicki,
If someone was offended my guess would be it is because he/she has not walked in those shoes before. If they had, they would completely understand the meaning, direct or indirect, behind the poem. And you know what-those who have struggled for things in their lives (fertility or something else) do have a deeper appreciation once they receive it. It doesn't make one person a better parent vs another. It is just a different level of understanding. This poem could be about anything, not just fertility. It could be about a sick family member and wanting them to be better. The healthy person is going to be more aware about their health based on their experiences with the sick family member...make sense? It doesn't make the healthy person that more healthier...Just more aware. And in a way, it's about getting down to basics...haven't we all worked hard for something, earned money to pay for it, etc. Don't we take care of those things we struggled for instead of when it was just given to us. Isn't this why we teach our kids the value of a dollar? Granted children are not material objects. However, I think my point comes across in this analogy.

We all need to be a bit more loving and less judgmental. No apology is needed, Nicki. Your heart is in the right place and this is what is important. I wish you the best as you travel down this path with God's leading. Love and Hugs to you!

Cristi said...

Certainly dont feel bad about posting the poem. People who have not experienced loss or the difficulties that can come will never understand how it feels to experience that. It is understandable that they do not understand the place from which the poem comes. Others though understand it well.

Anonymous said...

No way, don't feel bad. I totally get what the poem means. People who have babies easily never know the feeling of loss that comes each month with a negative pregnancy test, esp. when you just KNOW this is the month. I also know what it is like to get to the other side and accept that, for whatever reason, God has another plan for my life. I look forward with joy to what God will do in my life, baby or no baby.

Cristi said...

Nikki: You have been tagged! Check my blog!

Cristi said...

Nikki, I think I found the blog you told me about. Heaven Sent Blessings. But it is set to private. If you dont mind you could get her to invite Casey and I to view her blog. Casey said please give her her number as well. Call me and I will give it to you. Thanks


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